This should/may be short. Just need to write down a couple of things to hopefully release them and get out of this funk.
I, on occasion, go to meetings of a 12-Step program. We have a lot of sayings and beliefs. In fact, they are even mentioned at the beginning of every meeting. One is (and I am paraphrasing), "there are no stars or VIPs. We come together as compulsive (purposely leaving addiction out), be it new comer or seasoned long-timer". Then, there's also the anonymity part of it all. So, what's my beef with this? Today's speaker, while having a lot of recovery, kept specifically name dropping all the other long-timers and how to be included among them is just par for the course. To me, that breaks both of the "no stars/VIPs" and the "anonymity'. Actually, this was a big part of why I left the program a few years ago. The hypocrisy of it all. I think it's all right to say you have many years of recovery, and you may say something along the lines of "fellow members", but naming names is wrong. And, that pisses me off.
Another thing... why do people, especially your friends, lie? My feelings at this very moment is they are really not my friends at all. I mean, there's that old bs of, "we just didn't want to hurt your feelings". Come on! Being honest may be hard, uncomfortable or difficult from time to time, and you may hurt hearing it, but... with the truth you can (well, I can) be pissed for a little while and then get over it and move on. Lies only seen to foster more lies. Someone said the other day "Trust is like a plate. Once broken, you can glue it back together. But, it will never be the same."
Don't know why I needed to vent, but that's what blogging's all about, isn't it? I'm wondering if these bother me because I'm in a little funk and if I'm becoming a hypocrite and a liar (to myself... hopefully not others!).
Okay. That's it for now.
"Keep coming back. It works if you work it!"
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
Blah, blah, blah
So, I'm sitting here feeling a little down (angry), and Sex and the City is on. I didn't have HBO when the series originally ran, so I've only seen the syndicated versions.
Tonight's episode is entitled "My Motherboard, My Self". Carrie's computer crashes and everyone tells her how she should've been backing things up (on a zip drive) all along. She seems to have absolutely no idea what they are talking about and resists having to learn about it at first (a couple of friends have been trying to explain this concept to me this past week).
The other part of the episode is about Miranda's mother suddenly passing away. I tend to lose it watching anyone deal with the loss of a parent. I immediately go back to my father (but I just can't go into that right now). What I did see were the different ways friends try to comfort one another. Then Carrie's narration at the end of the funeral was exactly what I needed to hear right now:
"There is the kind of support you ask for, and the kind of support you don't ask for, and then there's the kind that just shows up."
(here's a link. it's a bit long, but the narration is at the end).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-NifGaTEng
***********************************
Who thinks the people they hold dear to them will ever not be a part of their lives? If we thought that way, we'd never bother investing ourselves in friendships. I mean, why bother? Right?
What I choose to focus on right now are the wonderful, loving and supportive people who ARE in my life, all of whom I am so blessed to have! These are the people who give me support when I've asked, when I haven't or, they've just showed up! I truly thank and appreciate you all for being there!
Now... just need to get (and learn how to use) a zip drive!
Tonight's episode is entitled "My Motherboard, My Self". Carrie's computer crashes and everyone tells her how she should've been backing things up (on a zip drive) all along. She seems to have absolutely no idea what they are talking about and resists having to learn about it at first (a couple of friends have been trying to explain this concept to me this past week).
The other part of the episode is about Miranda's mother suddenly passing away. I tend to lose it watching anyone deal with the loss of a parent. I immediately go back to my father (but I just can't go into that right now). What I did see were the different ways friends try to comfort one another. Then Carrie's narration at the end of the funeral was exactly what I needed to hear right now:
"There is the kind of support you ask for, and the kind of support you don't ask for, and then there's the kind that just shows up."
(here's a link. it's a bit long, but the narration is at the end).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-NifGaTEng
***********************************
Who thinks the people they hold dear to them will ever not be a part of their lives? If we thought that way, we'd never bother investing ourselves in friendships. I mean, why bother? Right?
What I choose to focus on right now are the wonderful, loving and supportive people who ARE in my life, all of whom I am so blessed to have! These are the people who give me support when I've asked, when I haven't or, they've just showed up! I truly thank and appreciate you all for being there!
Now... just need to get (and learn how to use) a zip drive!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
My word for the new year is...
Mindful.
I like it. It seems like a kind, reassuring... yet, responsible... word.
Quite frankly, I don't think I've ever really used that word too much in the past. I'm not even sure how/why it popped up.
But, it has and I like it!
I will think of this word before diving into any arena, be it about food/diet; finances; work; family; friends; relationships; choosing how I react to a situation or feeling.
Thinking this word as often as I can will greatly assist me in being the kind of person I would like to be. Well, actually am... but with the walls beginning to lower.
Wishing a beautiful, peaceful and mindful 2009 to all!
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