Hmmmm.....

Not really a blog entry.

More of an, um, observation.

I only seem motivated to write, or post, when I'm really pissed or really hurting.

Usually really, really pissed.

I don't do pissed well.

Does anyone "do pissed well"?

(God, that sounds sooooo stupid!)

And that makes me look like a complaining, whiny, ungrateful, depressing slug!

I like observing and noticing.

Then I play my VERY dangerous game of... "Connect the Dots"!

Kinda similar to "6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon".

(On a side note, I think I heard Google purchased the rights to "6  Degrees of Kevin Bacon".

Really?

I'll go Google it now...

Hang on a sec....

Wow... go to Google; type in "bacon number" followed by the name of an actor; it will search a database; give a number; and show the connection.

Yes.

I just wasted 15 minutes.

Most people are "2"s.

Kevin, himself, is a "0".

Ha!)

Yes.

And that's another observation of myself, I really dig tangents! For years and years I could never find my way back to the original point. I've worked on, and have gotten much better at "bringing it on home". But I still fall into the trap!

And, procrastination! If there isn't a timeline or a deadline attached to something; if it's something I don't HAVE to do (note: WANT to do and HAVE to do are two completely different beasts!), then I go on and on and on and on and on and on and on...... ! For example, this post, up through the Kevin Bacon portion, was written on Sept 22... today is Black Friday 2012... Nov 23! Two entire MONTHS have lapsed since I started this post!

What I stated at the very beginning still holds true... this really isn't a post, more of some observations.

Wow, it took two months, but I circled back to the original thought! And, not even 10 minutes have passed! :)

I think I'm gonna head out to Starbucks now.

Have a lovely day!

On Being Angry

WARNING: this entry contains a landmine of f-bombs!

To quote Lisbeth’s t-shirt…

I am beyond livid right now! 

Okay… just really pissed! 

But, I'm also pissed that I had a delayed reaction of knowing I was pissed.

AND, pissed that this person doesn’t have call-waiting, a cell phone (to text) or Internet (to e-mail)! The longer I get that BUSY SIGNAL on the phone, the madder I'm getting!

And, please note... this was only a mere 7 minutes after we hung up. 

Hell, years ago it would’ve taken me 2 – 3 MONTHS to have my reaction!

Seriously!

I KNOW it was immediate in my tone/response, but my head does this funny thing with, “we’re not gonna let you process this right now because we want a bagel and get a bit of self sabotaging done!"

But, yeah. He crossed the line. Again.

Ya know, here’s the way I see it and feel when it comes to dealing with me. I may have to re-think/re-adjust my ways, but here goes (Please note: I know this may not seem entirely fair):

1.     Don’t lie to me;

2.    Don’t lie to me;

3.    Don’t try to play me for a fool;

4.    Don’t lie to me;

5.    Don’t make up an excuse for something you haven’t even done; tell me you told me because you “know how I think” and then add on an extra excuse which gives the illusion of this being MY FAULT (when there was nothing there to begin with – now you have me feeling shitty about myself). I read somewhere if you feel the need to justify a situation with more than one reason (excuse) when trying to smooth something out to make it not look like you had any ownership in the “issue” that didn’t even exist an hour earlier, chances are (and I’ll put it into my own words), you are a FUCKING FUCK full of SHIT!!!;

6.    Don’t lie to me;

7.    Don’t lie to me;

8.    Don’t bullshit or try to scam me;

9.  Know that you DIDN’T “get away” with it. Know there was NOTHING to “get away” with until you made it as such; and, finally…

10.  DON’T FUCKING LIE TO ME!!!

Okay… that being said, I haven’t decided if I’m just going to drive over there to have a face-to-face talk (yell… cry… whatever!) since I cannot fucking get through on the fucking phone!

* DEEP BREATH *

I woke up in a great mood this morning! I got to re-connect with a dear friend yesterday and one this morning. Will admit, my ankle is hurting (in the hard to stand/walk sense of the word), but it wasn’t until the portion of this 3^rd phone call (to me) when the, “I know how you think” stuff started, oh-while trying to confirm something from me (via my job), that made me feel used.

Again.

* DEEP BREATH *

A shrink of mine, years ago, said I really am NOT passive aggressive. She said I was passive and usually just acted like a doormat. She said she could understand why people thought I was passive aggressive… because anytime I had the guts/courage to stand up for myself/say what I felt, they weren’t used to/conditioned to hear me voice something different. Whether that’s the case or not, I know I do NOT handle being mad well…

But, I’m going to try!

* ONE LAST DEEP BREATH *

:-)

PS - Hours after this journal entry was finished I finally got through. He knows I am angry, but I said we needed to talk, and I didn't want to do it over the phone. I take full ownership of my passive aggressive behavior here. And, in writing/venting this, I now need to

let

it

go.

***

Thoughts on a Sunday

No one has ever had my undying love,

Nor do I think they will.

How can I share

What’s been hidden so deep?

So deep in which even I doubt its existence?

Ah, but it has to be there!

Somewhere.

Doesn’t it?

Or else, why am I here?

Are those of us,

The “never have been”s,

Here to serve, entertain and be reminders

To the “those who have”?

Of what their lives could’ve been…

If only they hadn’t?

Oh, the thick, high, sturdy walls

I’ve put up and kept up!

Was it out of a sense of duty?

Loyalty?

Did I agree to be a martyr

For matters of the heart?

Because, surely, there needs to be one

So everyone else may enjoy their bliss!

Right?

Is my gift…

My purpose…

To this world

NOT to love,
NOT to be loved,

So others may?

I’m finally beginning to doubt that.

But, that was the agreement going in,

Wasn't it?

How dare I change the rules?

For a brief moment

I lived in the present.

It was glorious!

It was beautiful!

My walls disappeared!

I felt myself not feeling

I had to keep the martyr status.

No one needs that!

Then one day,

With my walls down,

I fell

Out of the present.

And I have been falling…

And falling…

And falling…

Ever since.

I haven’t admitted

To the crash.

To the burn.

To being hurt.

So, I will now.

I hurt!

My heart aches.

I can pinpoint events,

But refuse to blame

Anyone but myself.

So, watching parents with their children,

And couples with each other

I wonder if it’s just

“The grass is always greener”,

Or, am I just the court jester this time around?

No one has ever had my undying love

Nor do I think they will.

But I need to acknowledge,

And try to mend,

My broken heart.

You, Again.

I thought about you, again, today.

Oh, hell... I think about you almost every day.

Today was about the last time our paths crossed.

I'd never been to Dodgers' Stadium and a couple of tickets were raffled off for a Friday night game - box seats - and I was one of the winners! The thought popped in my head when I saw the other winner this morning, as I rarely think of baseball.

It was the LA Dodgers vs the Colorado Rockies.

I was mingling with our hosts and occasionally watching the game when, out of the blue... you walked in!

You didn't see me at first, which was fine. It actually allowed me the few moments I needed to regain my composure! You see, time actually stopped when you I saw you.

So, I watched you interacting with others.

Hey, did you know I was born on "The Day of the Observer"? It's true!

But then, you saw me.

I will never forget the smile growing on your face as you excused yourself and made your way over.

Next Monday will actually be two years since that chance meeting. Yeah, I tend to remember dates oh, too well!

Then tonight, while watching TV, I hit a wrong channel...

The LA Dodgers were playing the Colorado Rockies.

:-)

A Side of Fries

Nothing is wasted time.

We learn from everything we do...
           and don't do.

Writer's block sucks!

It's more like, there are
too many thoughts going on
in my head at the same time...
so they jam up.

*blech!*

Guess I'm just looking for that knife.
No, not the sharp one.
The one you stick up into the
inverted bottle of ketsup
that you've been shaking, hitting and
thumping for the past 10 minutes.

My french fries are getting cold!

By puncturing that air-tight seal,
Red goop comes pouring out.

Much, much more than I need or wanted.

A huge pool of ketsup.
A huge pool of my thoughts.

A waterfall. Overwhelming me.
I get pulled under the tide.
Which way is up?
Realizing I'm holding my breath.
Wondering how long I can hold on.

Will it be long enough?

What if it's not?
Anxiety kicks in - making me want to breathe.

In my heart of hearts
I know all will be well.
This, too, shall pass.
I may even forget this whole drama when it is over.

It will be as it should.

But in the mean time I'm wondering...
Do I really need ketsup anyway?

Kudos Are Nice

This sooo made my day this past Wednesday morning!  :)



About Me

I realised something right before my nap today...

I'm a totally free-spirited, uninhibited and spontaneous soul who, some where along the way, has developed a strong craving for structure, rules and security... so I can rebel against it!

(this is not a blog... just a thought I wanted to put some where!)

* sigh *

I wish he'd want to hold me forever.

But, he doesn't.

I wish he desired me.

But, he doesn't.

I wish I was the one he wants to be with.

But, I'm not.

I wish I was who he is looking for.

But, I'm not.

So, why do I feel closer and closer?

Why have I started to imagine the "what ifs"?

Why have I started to feel?

I've never done that before.

Thought I could control things.

* sigh *

I guess my crash, after the fall, will be pretty messy.

Want

I want...

to be desired...

to be strong...

to be silly...

to be loved...

to be happy...

to feel peace...

to not be alone...

to be wrapped in his arms...

to feel safe...

to not only be financially secure, but have more than enough money to enjoy life without worry and being able to help others...

to really learn to play the guitar...

to be brave...

to not be so scared...

to know real friends don't leave just because I fuck up...

to know what love is (i want you to show me!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=loWXMtjUZWM&feature=related

(sorry... a brief Foreigner moment!)...

to feel free...

to see and believe in my dreams and potential...

to meet that special someone to share life with...

But, for now...

my "wants" are but "wishes".

Can Anyone Help Me???

Why, oh why, can I not figure out how (or where to go) to figure out how to change my blog so it actually shows I am seperating paragaraphs? Really! I am! Thank you!

My 3 Cryptically Secret Crushes

Let's see. I haven't blogged in, like, a kazillion years or so.

Been kinda gun shy.

Also, didn't like how cryptic I was becoming. Even I couldn't figure out who I was really talking about when re-reading posts!

Really!

For example, back in '01 or '02 I "allowed" myself to have secret crushes on 3 guys. I know, I know, I know... everyone has crushes on people from time to time. Well, not me! I was always shy... and, morbidly obese. Somewhere along the way I decided I was not really a "normal" person and came to the conclusion that there was no way anyone would ever want to be with me. So, I didn't want anyone to feel the shame of being the crush of "that enormous creature". The way I did that was throwing myself into music and just never allowing myself to go there. Anyway, so about 10 years ago I'd been working out, eating healthy, going to OA meeting and had lost over 125 lbs. I was starting to maaaayyybbbeee consider myself as a human, rather than a creature. There were 3 guys who had always been nice to me and each had qualities I realized I liked. So, I wondered what it would be like if I let myself think, "Wow! He's a really cool guy and I like him!"

Let me point out here, we are not talking sexual. More of just noticing.

Hey, I was born on "The Day of the Observer"!

Anyway, in reading old blogs I figured out who 2 of them were (never used names; was uber cryptic because I also didn't want anyone I knew figuring it all out and exposing it to the world. I mean, I would've spontaneously combusted from the utter embarrassment I was certain to have put on these 3 unsuspecting gentlemen!), but kept reading the blogs over and over and over to figure out who the hell the 3rd guy was! It's taken me almost 5 years, but I've finally figured it out!

Guy #1 was one of our waiters at Islands in Beverly Hills (which no longer exists). We went, religiously, after classes on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, be it 2 or 12 of us. It was just what we did! After a year or so of being a regular, this new waiter started. Most of the kids that worked there were nice, but had a little bit of 'tude. Not this guy. If I remember correctly, he was studying Children's Literature, had a slight English accent, wire rimmed glasses, was tall with sandy hair that would sometimes fall over his glasses. He was soft spoken, caring, sweet smile and just was a nice guy... to everyone. I liked him, but for some reason, decided to see what it felt like to have a crush on him. A secret crush. Went on for years. I only told a couple of friends... who were sworn to secrecy... but would cast a knowing smile when we'd find out he would be our waiter. Ahhhhhh..... I wonder what happened to him.

Guy #2, out of the blue, came to my rescue. I'd never had someone just jumping in, apologizing for those of their gender who take advantage of and rip women off, just because they're women. He then took charge and helped me find a way to solve the situation. He was ticked I had been treated so poorly and then went out of his way to make up for all the a$$holes out there! He made sure I was alright and taken care of. He made me feel safe, and I trusted him. I decided he was my secret crush #2.

Guy #3... this is the guy I so cryptically blogged about! Long story short, and still a bit cryptic, he was part of the Sunday meetings over @ Roxbury Park. I will never forget when a group of us all went to the movies after lunch... and I was seated next to him! I'd had a crush on him because he was nice, funny and seemed to be a good guy. Since then, he's been married, had kids.

Bad thing about blogging... once I start yawning, I have to stop! However, whenever I stop, I rarely (if ever) go back and finish.

So... I haven't blogged in a kazillion years because I got too cryptic. Well, it's mainly to protect my unsuspecting "topics"! ha!

Anyway, it's only 8:00pm, but I'm off to sleep!

Til next time!

Lists

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeiHJqejgwY

Ahhhh, "Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon"!

Pure bliss!

Well, if you can put all of your "to do" items out of your head. Even for just an hour or two! And, isn't it funny (... this feeling in-siii-iiiide...) how the more you try to put things out of your mind, the more little, "oh, yeah... I need to do that to"s pop in to say hello?

Arrrgghh!!!

Truth is, I KNOW how to avoid this dilema!

Planning! (my most unfavorite favorite quote is, "Failing to plan is planning to fail!")

And, one of the most simple and valuable tools for planning are LISTS!!!

I come from a family of list-makers. I used to have lists for everything myself! And stuff got done! I wonder where/when/why I stopped?

I am on vacation for two weeks. I was going to go away, but there is soooo much to get done at home. The stuff where you think, "Oh, this is going to be such a big project. I'm going to need a lot of time!"

Well, now I've got it!

I woke up this morning and decided I will make a list. Now, don't laugh (if you know me pretty well, you'll just think this par for the course)... I have put "Make Lists" on my preliminary list!

Seriously.

When I think of lists, the first image that comes to mind is a long, yellow legal pad and my mother's perfect Catholic-school taught handwriting. Mom had lists and would put a line through the item/task when it was completed. I've gotta admit... when you actually SEE what you had set out to do and what you've actually accomplished, those lines make you feel good! Empowered! Even if you don't complete everything, you actually SEE you have done something! Another list style I loved of my mom's was her Christmas card listing system. She had this wooden box that held 3 X 5 index cards. Each index card would have the name and address of someone (and any other family members) and in the left margin there were 2 columns... S (for "sent") and R (for "received"); and each line, going down would be the year (ie - 73; 74; 75...).

God... I LOVE organization!!!!!!!!!! :)

This is where me NOT having lists has been a detriment to myself. Without seeing there are 40 tasks and I've completed 29 of them, I feel as if I haven't completed ANY! Why? Once something is done/dealt with, it's out of my head. (*** okay, okay, okay! Not really a truthful statement in the life of Shocks, but when it comes to CHORES it applies!).

So, out with the legal pads!

One of the things I "listed" was to blog something every day of my vacation. They may not be long. They may not make sense. They may not be read or commented on by anyone else. But, I want to get back into the habit of writing. At least a little every day.

Oh, and there is to be a "song of the day" as well! Today's is Queen's "Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon". (Earlier today, before this whole "LISTS" idea came to mind, the song(s) were George Michael's "I Want Your Sex" and "Freedom"!)

Ciao for now!

-Kat

Catching Up

(This blog was started on Aug 16; completed on Oct 18. Sorry about that!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I haven't blogged in a long, long time.







And, I miss it.







A lot has happened since I moved last November.







A new president.







The economy taking a dive like nothing ever seen in my life time.



People losing their jobs.



Their homes.



Their stocks/savings/retirement funds.



Their dignity.



Their hopes and dreams.



It was as if the entire country became fearful and, mentally, went into a depression.







My closest friend for the past 26 years was able to marry his partner.



He opted not to tell me about it, nor invite me to the wedding.



While this hurt, it was the lies afterwards, that absolutely broke my heart and crossed that line of no return.



I am truly happy for them, and still get along.



I just can't let this go (I am crying as I type this).







In January I started going to the gym 3 - 5 days a week before work to use the bike. Starting with only being able to do 10 minutes on level 4, I've worked my way up to 20 minutes (the max allowed) on level 15 with 30 second kick-ass peaks every 2 1/2 minutes. On June 1 I added 100 abs (50 front crunches; 50 obliques) and 10 push ups every day. This is all in addition to aerobics 3 - 5 times per week. I've also incorporated other ab and back exercises, as well as some stretching. Oh... and for the past 6 months I have not had to do aerobics from a chair! I still have a couple of limitations, but I'm pretty much back to the full force intensity I've missed for sooooo long! It feels so good to sweat and know you worked out really hard!







The Swine Flu broke out. This sounds horrible, but this seemed to take every one's mind off the economy. Just something I noticed.







I started wearing contacts again. Love it! Same Rx as last time with the exception, since I'm older now, I need those reader glasses (from the drug store) to see close when my contacts are on. So now I kinda feel like Elton John in the late 70s...
I have my regular Rx glasses;



regular Rx sunglasses;



regular Rx computer glasses;



non-Rx sunglasses (for when I'm wearing my contacts); and



the above mentioned "readers" to see close up when I'm wearing my contacts!



I've brought the wrong glasses to work a couple of times.



Luckily, I now only live 4 minutes away!







I started selling Avon in April.



I stopped this past Thursday.



They say I owe them $2.93, but I have a balance of $41.00.



I did discover/like their eyeliner (glimmersticks)... and, I do have "connections"! lol!







In April, while our office was checking out the Se' San Diego Hotel, my other long time friend and I parted ways, as well. This one was hard, as well, and I don't feel comfortable writing about it. But, this hurt to my core as well. (on a totally different note, this is where I discovered Gilchrist and Soams!)

(***** above is from Aug 15. below is from Oct 18 *****)

In June, just a few days after my abs/push ups routine started, I met someone... who has no idea how my life has changed because of this. We just started talking. He'd just lost some weight and was really into working out.

Hmmmm... I could certainly relate to that!

We ended up talking for about an hour. I found myself telling him things I've never spoke with anyone else about. I was entranced listening to what he shared with me about his life. I was excited because I rarely meet anyone new, much less feel that immediate connection. Ya know, that "oh-we-were-always-supposed-t0-know-each-other" feeling. (that doesn't come along all that often). By the end of the conversation, I was smiling and blushing. He's interesting, charming, clever, tall, handsome, flirty and cracks me up! And, let's just say, I flirted back!

Over the summer I've had profiles on 4 different on-line dating sites. I've met a couple of guys. The ones I've met have been nice and/or interesting... but just not for me. I've also taken my profiles down off of 4 different on-line dating sites! There are a lot of creepy people out there! It scared me! I KNOW there are tons of couples who've met that way, my gut just not feel this is the way for me.

This new "world" has got me feeling crazy. One day feeling on top of the world. The next, feeling so not worth it. And since I've struggled most of my life "not feeling worth it" (from my weight issues), I've been hitting lower lows.

This has me shutting down.

From friends.

From responsibilities.

From life.

This is when I should be reaching out and asking for help. Unfortunately, this is also when I am so ashamed and feel like a major f*ck up.

However, I was blessed (in Aug/Sep) to be able to go to rehearsals and be an extra in Richard's upcoming dvds/infomercials. I got a LOT of extra workouts in because of this; met a lot of great people; got to help out; and had a GREAT time! BTW... the choreography is soooo cute and they are great/fun workouts! Can't wait to see them!

Today, I am trying to figure out what I am going to do about some things.

I want the solutions NOW!

I want everything to be fixed/resolved NOW!

I want to be married for the past 10 years with a loving husband, wonderful kids, a nice house, money on the bank (and wise investments) NOW!

I want to just curl up in my bed and rock back and forth!

A Venti for Venting

This should/may be short. Just need to write down a couple of things to hopefully release them and get out of this funk.

I, on occasion, go to meetings of a 12-Step program. We have a lot of sayings and beliefs. In fact, they are even mentioned at the beginning of every meeting. One is (and I am paraphrasing), "there are no stars or VIPs. We come together as compulsive (purposely leaving addiction out), be it new comer or seasoned long-timer". Then, there's also the anonymity part of it all. So, what's my beef with this? Today's speaker, while having a lot of recovery, kept specifically name dropping all the other long-timers and how to be included among them is just par for the course. To me, that breaks both of the "no stars/VIPs" and the "anonymity'. Actually, this was a big part of why I left the program a few years ago. The hypocrisy of it all. I think it's all right to say you have many years of recovery, and you may say something along the lines of "fellow members", but naming names is wrong. And, that pisses me off.

Another thing... why do people, especially your friends, lie? My feelings at this very moment is they are really not my friends at all. I mean, there's that old bs of, "we just didn't want to hurt your feelings". Come on! Being honest may be hard, uncomfortable or difficult from time to time, and you may hurt hearing it, but... with the truth you can (well, I can) be pissed for a little while and then get over it and move on. Lies only seen to foster more lies. Someone said the other day "Trust is like a plate. Once broken, you can glue it back together. But, it will never be the same."

Don't know why I needed to vent, but that's what blogging's all about, isn't it? I'm wondering if these bother me because I'm in a little funk and if I'm becoming a hypocrite and a liar (to myself... hopefully not others!).

Okay. That's it for now.

"Keep coming back. It works if you work it!"

Blah, blah, blah

So, I'm sitting here feeling a little down (angry), and Sex and the City is on. I didn't have HBO when the series originally ran, so I've only seen the syndicated versions.

Tonight's episode is entitled "My Motherboard, My Self". Carrie's computer crashes and everyone tells her how she should've been backing things up (on a zip drive) all along. She seems to have absolutely no idea what they are talking about and resists having to learn about it at first (a couple of friends have been trying to explain this concept to me this past week).

The other part of the episode is about Miranda's mother suddenly passing away. I tend to lose it watching anyone deal with the loss of a parent. I immediately go back to my father (but I just can't go into that right now). What I did see were the different ways friends try to comfort one another. Then Carrie's narration at the end of the funeral was exactly what I needed to hear right now:

"There is the kind of support you ask for, and the kind of support you don't ask for, and then there's the kind that just shows up."

(here's a link. it's a bit long, but the narration is at the end).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-NifGaTEng

***********************************

Who thinks the people they hold dear to them will ever not be a part of their lives? If we thought that way, we'd never bother investing ourselves in friendships. I mean, why bother? Right?

What I choose to focus on right now are the wonderful, loving and supportive people who ARE in my life, all of whom I am so blessed to have! These are the people who give me support when I've asked, when I haven't or, they've just showed up! I truly thank and appreciate you all for being there!

Now... just need to get (and learn how to use) a zip drive!

My word for the new year is...

Mindful.

I like it. It seems like a kind, reassuring... yet, responsible... word.
Quite frankly, I don't think I've ever really used that word too much in the past. I'm not even sure how/why it popped up.

But, it has and I like it!

I will think of this word before diving into any arena, be it about food/diet; finances; work; family; friends; relationships; choosing how I react to a situation or feeling.

Thinking this word as often as I can will greatly assist me in being the kind of person I would like to be. Well, actually am... but with the walls beginning to lower.

Wishing a beautiful, peaceful and mindful 2009 to all!

Procrastination... such a waste of time!

Okay.

Here it is.



That "a-little-over-a-week-while-the-studio-is-closed-so-I'm-going-to-get-everything-done-that-I've-been-wishing-for-time-off-to-do" time of year.

Yup.

It's here, alright.

But, before I get into that... I'd like to explain why I think I somehow ended up as THE travel agent who rarely travels.

(Yes. This is a tangent. But I should be able to bring it all together. Well, that is if the phone doesn't ring or I feel an urgent need to check my friends' status on facebook.)



Let's say you have a whole week off. AWESOME! You decide you want to go to London... and maybe even Paris. (This is assuming money, hotels, meals and cars are not to be worried about). Being a corporate travel agent for about 20 years now I know this is sooooo do-able because I send people to London and Paris all the time! And, sometimes all within 3 days!

This is how I see it for me...

The flight from Los Angeles to London is about 11 hours. The flights depart in the late afternoon/early evening and arrive London the following afternoon. So here's how I imagine it (and, keep in mind... this is my profession!).

DAY #1
Spend all day getting ready for the flight; checking 17 times that my passport is in a place where I will remember it; checking the weather; making sure my mom has all my travel info (even tho she lives in Buffalo, NY... 3,000 miles away from where I live. Hey... she's my mom! Besides, who else am I going to tell?); worrying about getting to the airport on time...etc! I start to calm down about an hour into the flight.



DAY #2
Arrive London a little after noon. Have to go through customs, then baggage claim. I'm usually on my own, so there's a bit of that "I'm-really-nervous-about-this-but-need-to-look-like-I-know-what-I'm-doing" inner freaking out going on. Then, jumping into a cab to the hotel. I am exhausted because I have a hard time sleeping on the plane. Get into my room. Immediately turn on the TV (have to check out Sky TV... only because one of my clients would only stay at a hotel that offered Sky TV. I had to call several hotels to see if they offered it and, if so, how many channels they offered. I think I need to experience the hoopla myself!); deal with jet-lag, so the rest o the day is shot.



DAY #3 and #4
I've figured out it takes me (my body and mind) approx 3 days to adjust to a different time zone (this is true with me and NYC as well). These 2 days are kind of wasted because I'm tired, nervous, cranky and usually don't feel the "vibe" of the city until day 5. If I'm with others it's not so bad. By myself, I'm second guessing. Maybe Sky TV is a good idea after all!

DAY #5
This is THE day! I'm all at ease. I feel at one with the city/my surroundings. I'm adventurous and ready to explore everything! I have a wonderful time meeting and connecting with the locals. I've even been invited to dinner and drinks with a small group of people to discuss world events (ok... this really did happen to me in Toronto when I went up, by myself, to a Jane Siberry concert). I'm loving the city and not wanting to ever leave!



DAY #6
You may wonder why I leave on day 6 rather than day 7. The flights depart in the morning and get back to LA in the afternoon. Then there's all the customs/baggage/getting home crap to deal with. Maybe one last breakfast before heading for Heathrow.

DAY #7
This is my "do-laundry-before-going-back-to-work" and "go-to-the-grocery-store" day. The get get back into the swing of things. At this point realizing I never got over to Paris. So, this "one week in Europe" ends up being one day of BEING and 6 days of thinking too much!

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Okay... the above was started on Dec 29, 2008. It is now Jan 1, 2009!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!!!!!!!

But, see... I went on my little tangent, got distracted and... this entry was never finished!
(This is sooo not the blog I was planning on for the first o the year! Oh, well!)

My name is Kat.

I am (amongst other things) a procrastinator.

Currently, three quarters of my kitchen cupboards are lined. I will finish this task today! I also have a pretty good idea of the set up for my kitchen... I want everything to have a "place". I will do laundry; empty more boxes; clean my bathrooms; vacuum and dust; take a walk (as my exercise studio is closed today. Oh... since I'm only walking in the neighborhood, you don't have to worry... Starbucks will be in there at some point!).

Had I just jumped in, tackled the original task, from beginning to end, I would've been DONE with it! Probably even before I finished "plotting" it all out!

JUST DO IT! (oh... that reminds me... I should get new cross trainers soon).

SEE????? I just keep distracting myself! LOL! Maybe this post should be about ADD as opposed to procrastination!

When I write, it's stream of conciseness and may not make a lot of sense. But, getting it down and releasing it to the universe is very freeing.

Sometimes I write well. Sometimes, not so well. And that is OK! :-)

Testing... 1... 2... Testing!

Hello? Is this thing on?

First of all, I'd like to introduce myself.

My name is Kathy. ("Hi Kathy!")

However, I've somehow managed to end up with quite a few nick-names:

• Kat
• Katrina
• Katrinc-a
• Katrinc
• Kasha
• Kashka
• Kaye Ellis
• Lady K
• Shocka la Teapot (which has nick names, too: Shockala; Shocks; and Shocka Kahn!)
• The Muffin Mistress
• Herman (my dad had an interesting sense of humor!).

Normally on-line I go by Shockala, but here... just call me Kat.

I'm just in that kind of mood!

So, I've been wanting to close my MySpace account but wanted to still have a place to blog (if/when needed!) and didn't want to lose my blogs.

Since a few people I know have come on over to Blogger, I thought I'd give it a go!

I don't blog consistently. I'd love to, but y'all know that excuse called "I just don't have enough time"!

That's me.

Well, at least right now. At this moment.

I look forward to getting back into blogging once I'm settled in my new apartment.

It's been a pleasure and I hope to see you again... soon! :-)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS - We have a new President Elect this morning!