You, Again.

I thought about you, again, today.

Oh, hell... I think about you almost every day.

Today was about the last time our paths crossed.

I'd never been to Dodgers' Stadium and a couple of tickets were raffled off for a Friday night game - box seats - and I was one of the winners! The thought popped in my head when I saw the other winner this morning, as I rarely think of baseball.

It was the LA Dodgers vs the Colorado Rockies.

I was mingling with our hosts and occasionally watching the game when, out of the blue... you walked in!

You didn't see me at first, which was fine. It actually allowed me the few moments I needed to regain my composure! You see, time actually stopped when you I saw you.

So, I watched you interacting with others.

Hey, did you know I was born on "The Day of the Observer"? It's true!

But then, you saw me.

I will never forget the smile growing on your face as you excused yourself and made your way over.

Next Monday will actually be two years since that chance meeting. Yeah, I tend to remember dates oh, too well!

Then tonight, while watching TV, I hit a wrong channel...

The LA Dodgers were playing the Colorado Rockies.

:-)

A Side of Fries

Nothing is wasted time.

We learn from everything we do...
           and don't do.

Writer's block sucks!

It's more like, there are
too many thoughts going on
in my head at the same time...
so they jam up.

*blech!*

Guess I'm just looking for that knife.
No, not the sharp one.
The one you stick up into the
inverted bottle of ketsup
that you've been shaking, hitting and
thumping for the past 10 minutes.

My french fries are getting cold!

By puncturing that air-tight seal,
Red goop comes pouring out.

Much, much more than I need or wanted.

A huge pool of ketsup.
A huge pool of my thoughts.

A waterfall. Overwhelming me.
I get pulled under the tide.
Which way is up?
Realizing I'm holding my breath.
Wondering how long I can hold on.

Will it be long enough?

What if it's not?
Anxiety kicks in - making me want to breathe.

In my heart of hearts
I know all will be well.
This, too, shall pass.
I may even forget this whole drama when it is over.

It will be as it should.

But in the mean time I'm wondering...
Do I really need ketsup anyway?

Kudos Are Nice

This sooo made my day this past Wednesday morning!  :)



About Me

I realised something right before my nap today...

I'm a totally free-spirited, uninhibited and spontaneous soul who, some where along the way, has developed a strong craving for structure, rules and security... so I can rebel against it!

(this is not a blog... just a thought I wanted to put some where!)

* sigh *

I wish he'd want to hold me forever.

But, he doesn't.

I wish he desired me.

But, he doesn't.

I wish I was the one he wants to be with.

But, I'm not.

I wish I was who he is looking for.

But, I'm not.

So, why do I feel closer and closer?

Why have I started to imagine the "what ifs"?

Why have I started to feel?

I've never done that before.

Thought I could control things.

* sigh *

I guess my crash, after the fall, will be pretty messy.

Want

I want...

to be desired...

to be strong...

to be silly...

to be loved...

to be happy...

to feel peace...

to not be alone...

to be wrapped in his arms...

to feel safe...

to not only be financially secure, but have more than enough money to enjoy life without worry and being able to help others...

to really learn to play the guitar...

to be brave...

to not be so scared...

to know real friends don't leave just because I fuck up...

to know what love is (i want you to show me!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=loWXMtjUZWM&feature=related

(sorry... a brief Foreigner moment!)...

to feel free...

to see and believe in my dreams and potential...

to meet that special someone to share life with...

But, for now...

my "wants" are but "wishes".

Can Anyone Help Me???

Why, oh why, can I not figure out how (or where to go) to figure out how to change my blog so it actually shows I am seperating paragaraphs? Really! I am! Thank you!